Over the years as an author of erotica, and connoisseur of erotic fiction, I have discovered several very useful - and pleasurable - tips to make your sex life more intimate. My husband and I have enjoyed giving them a whirl. Try them out yourself and make your love life blossom!
#1 LIGHTS OUT
Researching tantric & psychic sex for my story Sensitive, I came across an article describing a very intimate change to sex. Turn all the lights out: every crack of the window, the alarm clock light, everything. In complete darkness, try to "see" your partner with your touch. Trace every part of them.
#2 LUBRICANTS
Women in erotic novels are often described as "so dripping wet their panties are soaked". I admit I've used the visual. However, after several articles I read insisting on the heightened pleasure when using lubricants, I decided to use them more religiously. MY GOD. Some of the best pleasure of my life. Add a little flare: try "warming" or "cooling" varieties.
#3 LINGERIE
Everyone deserves to feel sexy. My hubby has given me increasingly naughty lingerie over the years. There's something about donning some silk, lace, and nylon that accents curves in all the right ways.
#4 PILLOWS
I recently read an article about how to use pillows to improve some sexual positions.
8 Creative Ways to Use a Pillow During Sex for Stronger Orgasm.
Don't be afraid to try something new, or to change around your favorite position with a pillow or two!
#5 MUSIC
Smooth and soulful, or dragging a beat to help set your tempo, music can heighten your sexual experiences. Experiment with different genres and songs to find what turns on you and your partner.
Music to make love to - Playlists and suggestions online include Marvin Gaye, Chris Isaak, and Pentonix. You can also find YouTube Playlists for sensual, tantric, and instrumental music for making love.
#6 RESTRAINTS
It is one thing to read about it in a book. Quite, quite, quite different to use them in real life.
Restraints - if you want to try them - don't have to be elaborate. Start with a tie, a belt, something simple. Personally, I get the biggest thrill with hubby just holding down my wrists.
There's science behind it. Compression can put you in a state of extreme relaxation. Accepting to restraints is the ultimate level of trust and vulnerability.
#7 LIGHTING
Total darkness is one thing. Adding just the right amount of lighting is another. Color changing LEDs can be a nice touch. I don't know about the other men out there, but mine gets always aroused when he gets a good view. Try to light from the side, as it accents shapes. Also, try experimenting with creating sexy shadows upon the wall.
#8 MIRRORS
There should be no shame when making love. Be proud and comfortable of your body, and the act of love you share with your partner.
Check out this article on Women's Health: 9 Hot Ways to Use a Mirror During Sex
#9 MASSAGE
Massage before or during sex can help you relax and heighten sensation. You don't have to be a professional masseuse to use massage in the bedroom. Experiment with different pressures until you find one your partner is comfortable with. Massage oil is a must, add some essential oil for aroma therapy.
My husband bought us a hot stone massage set last year. Even beginners can easily learn how to use them for a very nice touch to massage, for pre-sex relaxation or even just for the enjoyment of it.
#10 COMMUNICATION
The most profound change I made to my sex life to make it more satisfying is communication. For a long time I was nervous about talking to my husband about sex. Reading a variety of erotica, researching sexual positions, tips, and - let's say - "alternative" approaches to sex, I found many many things I wanted to try in the bedroom.
How would I approach him? How could I tell him about new things I'd like to try, or things I'd like to do differently, without offending him? It took a great deal of trust, not just in him, but in our relationship, to share that kind of intimate honesty.
We opened a dialogue, and to my delight, he was game for almost everything. Once you are ready, talk with your partner about your desires. With any luck, you will find them as like minded as you are.
Thank you for reading How to Improve Your Sex Life: Ten Tips from an Erotic Author
Have your own tips to add? Favorite toys or songs? Post them in the comments!
